Feb 3, 2018
We focus excessively on bad habits.
We focus too much on our bad habits: the poor eating, sleeping, treatment of others, lack of exercise and overall movement. We feel guilty for these behaviors and even talk about them with others. We then make them worse through our focus, our seeming dedication to them, our inability to cease them, further cementing the poor habit into our wiring. Fear and Self-loathing often comes into play. We complain about our lack of discipline, that we can’t make it to the gym, that there’s no time, that we’re overwhelmed. The antidote is to start small, new habits that are positive. Begin to change directions. This is what really helps. Beginning to build momentum — no matter how small — is vital.
As has been said, all great things have small beginnings. Our new behaviors and direction are no different. We have to set the bar so low that we can put one leg over it and follow with the other. We have to nail the new behavior easily and consistently for it to stick. To begin a push-up routine, start with five push-ups each morning. To begin flossing regularly, start with two teeth. Haven’t been to the gym in a long time and want a new work-out regimen? Start with ten minutes. Start small. Anyone can handle ten minutes in the gym. You can then build from there with consistency. Tired of eating junk that isn’t good for you? Make it a challenge to begin each day with a healthy breakfast. Just change that one habit, that one behavior first. Stick with it. That one healthy change has cascading effects onto the rest of what you eat throughout the day. Your self-perspective changes. You realize, I can do this. I can stick to this. I am this sort of person. You’re changing who you think you are. Remember: personality is malleable. We are not fixed. We are not the same personality at 13 as we are at 33. You get to choose who you want to become. This should should feel empowering.
Imagine successfully changing who you think you are and what you’re about. What would that look like for you? What would that mean? What is possible? If you’re capable of slight change, what about major change? Even slight increases in positive behavior ignite bigger positive changes. A ten minute work-out routine can quickly turn into a 45 minute one. A healthy breakfast inspires wise choices at lunch and dinner. Taking on small, engaging projects at work you love can help transform a job description and co-workers’ perceptions of you into a top performer who adds value. You’re building a new personal and professional reputation with slight behavior changes and you may not be aware of it.
While you may enjoy and like the new you you’re molding, not everyone around you will support you. Most people like you just the way you are — especially your flaws. We identify well with the chinks in others’ armor. It is one of the key ways we relate with one another. Who doesn’t love a self-deprecating story? People around you may not like the way you’re changing for the better, altering habits that they’ve come to know you for. While it is hard to admit, we cannot expect everyone around us to support us or understand us. They’ve got their own stuff, their own dreams, their own goals. Your new goals may be divergent with past behavior. That’s OK. That’s progress (hopefully). We have to accept that not everyone will be with us on our new quest for betterment. Some may even resent it. You may need to find new friends and supporters that will be with you on your newly minted journey. The social support will be important as it helps cement behavior change.
It bears repeating that we’re the average of the five people we hang around with the most. We’re all best served by ceasing being around people who bring down our average. New groups that align with our goals make the most sense in forging our new direction. Remember how hard adult behavior change is. It is so hard, in fact, that most people give up within a few weeks and revert back to the status quo. If you’re serious about your goals or lifestyle, you’ll act according to the person you want to become and seek that social support that will be there for you as you forge ahead.
Best-selling author, Tucker Max, has a wonderful statement regarding developing positive habits: “Be kind to the man you want to become.” Essentially, be kind to your future self. We spend so much time beating ourselves up, drinking excessively, gorging on food we know in the moment isn’t good for us, getting too little sleep, spending too many days in Las Vegas. We’re not thinking about our future selves, even our next-day selves. How do you want to feel tomorrow? What actions must you take right now to feel like that tomorrow? How are you being kind to the person you want to become?
