Saying Nobody understands me is pernicious. It’s also dumb. Thinking silly thoughts like ‘nobody understands me’ places you on your own mental island, alone with your own thoughts. For some people, this is a dangerous place. Leave some people alone with their own thoughts and they’re likely to think themselves into oblivion. Or, float on into limbo.
Thinking no one can understand your station in life is disempowering, especially when you’re going through tough times. Everyone goes through tough times. Someone can understand what you’re going though and relate to you.
What do you gain by thinking nobody understands me? Pseudo-fame? Attention? Ironic empowerment? When you think these thoughts, you actually push people away from you. People don’t like to be around people who think like this. We build rapport and relationships by identifying with those around us, liking what they like, having things in common, and similar expressions. When we don’t feel people get us, we quadrant ourselves off from others, making us rather inaccessible in both mental and physical proximity. You can be just as distant from others in your head as you are in person.
These thoughts are particularly pernicious when stated in the context of being good. I’m so good nobody understands me. Or, the It’s lonely at the top syndrome. OK, you’re good. Good for you. But just because you’re good doesn’t make it a permanent station. Further, you didn’t get there alone. You had help. You had coaches, teachers, trainers, friends, and family that all helped to get you to where you are today. This was no solo effort. Besides, you’re surrounded by teammates, friends and co-workers. You’re only lonely if you choose to be. Those who are good and are lonely pick it. They may do this unwittingly, but they choose loneliness. Again, you’re pushing people farther away from you with thoughts like these. Beware. It’s no good to be good at something if no one is there to watch you or to share in the results with you. Like wealth, talent unshared is poverty.
The mind with an always-inward focus eventually turns on itself. You’ve got to get out of your own head and shift your focus onto others. No one wins by always thinking about themselves and their current life station. We win by participating, by sharing, by being stronger with and through others. The team is always stronger than the individual. Duh. And when tough times hit, you’ve got your support network there for you — not just yourself. Yes, you’re pretty good, but you’re not pretty good when you’re going through tough times and you think you can handle them all on your own. Everybody needs someone to talk things through with. When we let it out, it is like receiving a psychological breath of fresh air. This is what we needed. Talk therapy is real, and real effective.
Yes, unfortunately, it is lonely at the top. But only by choice and it isn’t a good one. If you’re fortunate enough to have gotten there (or near there), who you choose to surround yourself with will be even more important. You’ll need people now more than ever to help you, support you, listen to you, be there for you, and you for them. No one wins by thinking nobody understands me. Get out of your head and go find someone to talk to.