The key to getting the positive emotions you want & the relationships you want. Personal or professional — doesn’t matter. This works. How you show up matters.
Your customer doesn’t care what you want. Your customer cares about what they want. What they want and what you want are often not the same. You need to stop being so selfish in your thinking. And you need to start thinking more about your prospects and customers in both your marketing & your sales efforts. Your job is to make them care more about you than they ever would have by you showing you care about them first. Any emotion you desire from others, you have to first express it and give it away to others first. This is the way you get your desired emotions back. What more care? Seek to care first. Want more laughter and levity? Be more funny and always look for a way to find something funny in what’s going on around you first. Want more generosity in your life? Start by being the most generous person you know. Then, people will naturally return that generosity onto you. You have to exude the desirable thing first before people will reciprocate it onto you next. This is acting your way into a new way of feeling.
# Whatever happened to deep, enriching relationships?
This is the opposite of what most people do, which is whine and complain that they don’t have cool, strong emotional connections with people. Some going so far as saying they don’t have any friends. (Really? Really!?!) Well, how are you showing up? Who needs you strong & smart? What are you starting with? What are you gifting without any expectation of return? Are you too busy talking features of the product when the customer doesn’t care? Or, worse: powering through your BORING slide deck when they couldn’t care less!?
What they’re looking for is an industry expert that can solve their problem. Features come way later. Only neophytes like me care about features out of the gate. Everybody else is happy with the way things are, and they want their problem solved now. (Most people are not concerned with features. They are concerned about benefits and what those benefits mean to them. They key phrase? “Which means that you can now…”)
They need to see that you’re giving, that you care first. They need to see that you /get/ them, that you’re one of them, that you’ve been with them in the trenches, through the shit, that you’re the guide they’ve been looking for. You do that by talking like they talk. Telling resonate stories they identify with (“Hey! That’s me! That just happened to me!”). And giving them answers to complications that people like them have been in. And then continuing to be even more generous with your expertise and gifts.
Does anyone here not want to be the most generous, gifted & gifting, funny, expert in their industry who teaches and trains all the time? These are the qualities that build an awesome expert reputation in the field and in any industry. These are the qualities that earn referrals. These are the qualities that earn commissions. These are the qualities that build successful companies.
This industry expert realizes that when is important, too, because timing matters. Companies do dumb things, especially the big ones, like incessantly fighting over company resources and pitting people against one another internally. Constant power struggles. Back-stabbing. Etc. This is why the expert is always building, building, building, and creating, creating, creating. Sure, you do this for your career, but what you build, what you create is really about your legacy. What you decide to build & create comprises your legacy each day. What you create defines you. The executives at these big companies are not creating, nor building much of anything at all — they’re “too busy” fighting and in meetings and adrift in the inbox doing more fighting for their silo. While the industry expert creates, publishes and gets known as a person of creative value.
Who would you rather be? How would you prefer your day go? After all, this is YOUR day! It’s not the boss’s. It’s not the spouse’s. It’s not the kids’. It’s not the parents’. It’s not the shareholders’. You want a day chock-full of terribly emotional and/or BORING meetings with colleagues you’d rather not be around? Or, do you want a day with creating and making and building with your hands and your voice and your brain working with human tools as its core while building a cool legacy through Creative work?
It doesn’t take a Harvard MBA to figure out which day is more fulfilling.
Even on a ‘bad’ day, the Creative has something to show for her work vs. the emotionally spent executive who spent all day long in meetings that got nothing done, nothing at all to show for her toil but emptiness and despair. Let’s throw in some FOMO, too, while we’re at it. This is the conversation going on inside her head.
It’s no wonder worldwide company engagement according to Gallup isn’t even at 20%! (Yes — 4 out of 5 workers are actively disengaged, which means they’re zombies of their former selves at work, barely showing up. Aside from eating brains, zombies never were all that productive, nor reliable, and they always were rather slow. Look at the Gallup data. The insight you’ll discover is rather zombie-like. I wish I was kidding. I’m not.)
People are checked-out. Yes, even the executives. It’s a travesty of human toil. Not to mention a complete waste of human potential. Like Homer, 80% of us throughout the world are working for Mr. Burns. It’s no wonder so many of us toiling in the salt mines dream of a successful side hustle to get us out of this inanity. What do you think people are fantasizing about while they endure yet another BORING, interminable meeting with no productive outcome? This isn’t me stating the facts — the facts are the Gallup data.
What can we do about this? Find out in the next episode.