The $100,000 question: WDYW?
Not everyone wants your coaching. Not everyone is dedicated to self-improvement. Not everyone thinks about how they’re showing up each day for themselves, their colleagues, their friends, their family. Not everyone wants to go to the four day Growth seminar in Phoenix. Not everyone wakes up and wonders what new software app they can learn about today that will make them more productive. Not everyone wants to take the online Marketing course to discover and create their version of better. Not everyone wants to complain by making better things.
Most people just want to complain. Most people just want to be liked. Most people just want to go along to get along. Most people do not want to make waves. Most people just want to go to work, put their head down in their cubicle, have a supportive boss who tolerates them, and collect a regular paycheck. Most people still look forward to the day they can retire and watch their stories all day long under couch arrest. Most people are not thinking about the difference they desire to make today. Most people are in survival mode, just looking to get by. Most people are baffled by this question: “What do you want?” Because they never, ever stop to think about it. Even with all that time spent in the drab, gray, boring cubical, they never stop to think about what it is that they really want. Why is that?
That’s the $100,000 Question: What Do You Want?
I postulate it is because they no longer believe in themselves. They feel caged. They feel beaten down. They don’t feel worthy of these lofty thoughts. Things haven’t worked out the way their teenage & young adult selves dreamed. Cubicles are dream crushers — make no mistake. But just because you’re sitting in one currently doesn’t mean that that is your destiny. Sitting in your drab cube, surrounded by people you don’t like, doing work you hate for a boss you don’t respect is no way to live your professional nor personal life. Plus, you’re setting a bad example for the children. Nobody wants a dad or a mom that currently hates life. And nobody wants to be around a dad or a mom that currently hates life. The negativity from those toxic feelings is untenable. You’ll eventually burn-out and unhinge. Then, who will you help? More like, who will help you?
People should not feel sorry for you!
Let me repeat that: people should not feel sorry for you! You don’t need others’ sympathy. You also don’t need their understanding. And you should not feel sorry for yourself! Stop that! You got yourself into this mess, and you can get yourself out of it.
It will require a shift in mindset and in attitude and in perspective. You need a personal & professional plan and a little coaching to help you think things through. Like, you know, what do you want now? As in, right now? Not what do your parents want for you. Not what does the spouse want for you. Not what do your friends want for you. Not what do your colleagues want for you. What do YOU want for you? What does the future, ideal you look like? Describe her.
Start with three words that describe the best of you, the best of who you are when you feel like you’re on top of your game. Write them down. Put them in your phone. Set them as reminders to remind yourself of who you want to be. Have them set to go off every two or three hours. Who do you want to be today? THIS is who you want to be. Who do you want to become? THIS is who you want to become. What feelings do you want to experience more often? THESE are the feelings you want to experience more often. Let’s get to generating them, then, because they are up to us.
Here is something empowering: you get to choose what feelings you wish to feel. So many people think it is the opposite, default, “This is just what I feel, and I can’t do anything about it!”
No. Not true.
You get to choose your feelings, your thoughts, your attitudes, your beliefs, your perspective. You get to choose how you will show up today. You get to pick which negative / counterproductive thoughts, feelings, attitudes and beliefs you will discard. And if you get to choose your feelings and beliefs, you can pick positive, empowering ones that make you feel great! This is a new discipline, a new way of being, a new way of living.
No more zombie-like behavior out of you.
If you think this is too much or too airy or too cheesy or you don’t think you are capable of doing it, you need to WAKE UP. No more zombie-like behavior out of you like the rest of the cube dwellers who are asleep and will continue to be comatose, shells of themselves. You are here for a reason! You have purpose. You have a new Mission. You also have depth and strengths that you don’t know you currently possess. We just need to unlock it together.
You already have everything you need within you — right now.
The great news is you already have everything you need within you, right now. You don’t need anything else. And it all starts with waking up. Waking up to acknowledge your own capabilities, to acknowledge your own creativity, to acknowledge your own power. We are powerful if we think and act like we are. We are creative if we think and act like we are. We are capable if we think and act like we are. So, why wouldn’t you choose to think and act like you are these three things? The only reason why you wouldn’t is because you don’t believe in yourself. Let’s get to fixing that right now.
Unfortunately, it is really easy to lose faith in oneself. It is easy to go through life, getting beaten down, not having people listen to you, feeling like nobody understands you, feeling like what’s the point of it all, feeling like you aren’t contributing where you ought to be, feeling like even if you could, nobody would care, nor listen.
OK, enough of that.
What about a time when you were successful? What about a time when you truly made a difference? What about a time when you really helped somebody else in need? What about a time when you made a tremendous creative contribution that helped the team out? What about a time when you made someone else feel WAY better? What about a time when you stepped up and stood up for someone else who was down? What about a time when you stood up for yourself in the face of adversity? What about something you created recently that you were really proud of and you showcased it to others? What about a time when you maybe didn’t know what the path forward was, but you took the time to pause, to think, to reflect on your ability to figure things out, believed in them and in yourself, and then moved forward?
A great, quick way out of the downward spiral of negative thinking is to remind ourselves of our history of past successes. You are already successful. It’s just that your negative thinking and belief pattern is currently getting the better of you. Let me repeat: you are already successful! Look at everything you’ve done! Look at the people you’ve helped! Look at your accomplishment track record! You’re on a great path. How can you say you haven’t done much? How can you say your stuff isn’t all that impressive? How can you say you haven’t creatively contributed? Look at your history of past successes.
You don’t need anything else.
That’s why we coach that you already have everything you need inside of you right now to GO. Go and creatively contribute. Go and make your art. Go and help people. You don’t need anything else. You don’t need any more apps. You don’t need a new iPhone. You don’t need better video gear. You don’t need top notch audio equipment for the podcast. You don’t need the MFA. You don’t need the MBA. You don’t need another credential to authorize you to action. You don’t need permission from someone else to create today. You already have everything you need right now to get after it. We know because you have a history of past success. Go and add to it.
There is never a need to wait.
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